


A Shoulder to Lean On

by Neutral03



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Anxious Leonardo, Casey Jones to the rescue, Casey and Leo Bonding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Older Sibling Leonardo (TMNT), Good brother Raph, Hurt Leonardo, Hurt/Comfort, Leo cares too much, Leo has nightmares, Leo has panic attacks, Leonardo has Anxiety, Leonardo has PTSD, Light Angst, Night Terrors, Older Sibling Leonardo (TMNT), Season 3-Farm House Era, Space Heroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27868134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neutral03/pseuds/Neutral03
Summary: Sometimes we all need a shoulder to lean on. That's something that Leo needs to learn to do now that he's out of commission. But he never expected that he could confide in this person.
Relationships: Casey Jones & Leonardo (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & April O'Neil & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Leonardo & Raphael (TMNT), Leonardo & Splinter (TMNT)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	A Shoulder to Lean On

**Author's Note:**

> Here's one shot number one of I don't know how many I have left to do. After I post this, I'm going to finish the rest of my In Another Universe Series, I only have like 7 parts left or so to finish and I've already started on them. Then it's back for one more chapter of SEVENTEEN, then I'm starting the last part of my Voltron Series and alternating between completing it and SEVENTEEN. Hopefully I can get all of this stuff done in a timely manner. Anyway Leo talks a lot about some of the issues that he has such as anxiety and hinted PTSD. So if that's triggering for you, heed the warnings and be careful people. Anyway Happy December! Stay safe out there people and ave a nice day!   
> -N.

Leo couldn't sleep. It wasn't something overly complicated or anything, he just couldn't sleep. And it wasn't like this hadn't happened to him before. He's had plenty of sleepless nights throughout his young life. He's never been one who has gotten along that well with sleep. Only when he was really, really exhausted would he get a good night's sleep. And that was only because his body was so tired that it couldn't function properly anymore and it would just shut down and give out on him. It was more of a he couldn't go on anymore like this than it being a restful sleep. It was actually part of the reason that Master Splinter worked with him more on his meditation than he did with his brothers. Meditation has actually helped him get to sleep a bit better than when he was a mere turtle tot. The only one who had any trouble like he did going to sleep as a child was his brother Donatello. Though Donnie's problem was that he wanted to be up late tinkering with new inventions and projects that he found in their scavenging trips through the sewers and Sensei's trips to the junkyards. And a habit just formed and it stuck, and Donnie never had any intention of breaking it. No matter how much Master Splinter threatened and pleaded. After all of these years Leo had just learned to live with it and go on about his days. He was actually quite content to be their family's resident insomniac. Everything was okay, until it wasn't. 

The Kraang invaded New York and drove him, his brothers and their friends out of their homes. Their father's mortal enemy may or may not have killed their father in front of his little brothers. And that was after The Shredder had beaten the blue banded turtle within an inch of his life, and then had thrown him through April's living room window. He woke up 3 months later in a cramped bathtub in a room that he had never seen before in a place where he had never been before. He had a bum knee, he ached all over to where he could barely move, and even his own voice sounded forgien to him. Nothing was like it was beforehand, and it unnerved him more than he cared to admit or let on. One of the only things that stayed somewhat the same was his ability to sleep or lack thereof. Insomnia had been his friend ever since he was a little kid, and he could always count on it to be there, whether he liked it or not. 

Even though he was unconscious for 3 months straight, he's still so exhausted. Literally everything and anything that he does wears him out beyond belief. He hated how tired and out of it he felt all the time. Though no matter how many times Donnie would tell him that it's normal for him to feel that way he still hated it. He wasn't on top of his game and it was driving him nuts. He's a ninja for pete's sake, he should be able to sense any changes in his surroundings and act accordingly to them. He should be able to move at a moment's notice to attack if there was an enemy attack coming. What frustrated him the most was that he couldn't protect his family to the best of his abilities. He was so terrified that the Shredder or someone else would find them and Leo couldn't do anything to keep the ones that he loved from getting hurt. It just killed him inside. 

With all of the raw emotions that was going on in his head at the moment, it wasn't really a shock to him or the rest of his family that he was a little grumpier than he normally was. It was considered quite common for him now to go off and sit outside of the farmhouse in North Hampton for hours on end. The rest of them just learned to leave him be for now and just let him do whatever as long as he wasn't straining himself beyond his capabilities. Which was where he was right now at the moment. He was sitting outside in the porch swing right off the front of the old farmhouse, just simply enjoying the afternoon sun. The young leader had come out there earlier in the day after the rest of his friends and family finished their training session earlier. His brother Donatello had gone in to do some work on the refrigerator since the thing was trying to die on them again. April had roped his brothers Raphael, and Michelangelo into helping her clean out the attic of the house. And he's pretty sure Casey had wandered off to the barn to work on something or other. Though he wouldn't put it past the eldest teen to just make up an excuse to get out of having to clean again.  


Leo was just sitting in the little swing, trying to get his anger under control. The 15 year old was just always so angry and frustrated all of the time now. He would get snippy and snap at people for no reason, and he was acting a lot like his brother Raphael. Except that Raph was never this bad. He just couldn't explain it though, he was just always so upset, or agitated now, and it was driving him buggy. He had half a mind to go to his little brother Donnie to ask him for some advice on what to do, but he thought twice about it. His little brother had enough on his plate at the moment, and he didn't want to add to it and make Donnie more stressed out. So he decided to just sit back, relax and try to fix it by himself. Though it was easier said than done though. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Leo really wished that their father were here with them. He always knew what to do when either one of them got too lost in their own head. Though he supposes everyone says that about their own parents though. But he couldn't help but to think that it was especially true about his father. Hamoto Yoshi may not be perfect, or the greatest person to ever live in the world, but he was the best person that Leonardo has ever had the pleasure and honor of meeting in his life. He will admit that his father has his own flaws, his own issues and problems, but everyone does, no one is perfect after all. But Leo knew that his father tried his best to raise him and his three brothers the best that he could. He knew that his father loved all 4 of them so much that it hurt, and thinking about his father was very painful for him at the moment. No one knew if he was even alive anymore, yet alone if their father was okay. He knows that it's hard not only for him but his family as well. The teenager found it very ironic that the one thing that was really bugging him at the moment, was the one person that he knew could figure out how to fix him.  


Looking at this from the logical point of view and putting himself in his brother Donatello's mind, Leo knew that most of his anger stemmed from his father. He wasn't mad at his father though, or at least he didn't consciously feel mad at him. He was mad that he wasn't here, he was mad that he didn't know if he was okay,- he was completely furious that he didn't know if his father was even alive anymore or not, or if he thought that all of his children were dead. No, Leo was not by any means upset with his father, he was angry with the Shredder. Orku Saki, Leo would do anything and everything to take that bastard down once and for all. He's spent years tormenting and terrorizing his family, and has done horrible and unspeakable things to them. And Leo was determined to stop his reign of terror now. 

To put it bluntly, he wanted revenge. He wanted revenge for everything that he did to his father. To his sister Karai, and her mother. To all of the injuries and nightmares that he has caused his little brothers. To all of the crap that he's put his friends through. And for all of the above for him. What that monster did to him, caused more damage to him both mentally, emotionally and physically than anyone could even imagine. His family knew that he was messed up, that he was different than he was before, but they didn't know all of it, and Leo intended to keep it that way. Though he had his suspicions that April, Donnie, and Raph knew that he wasn't telling the whole truth. He didn't think that Mikey and Casey knew though, he could be wrong. Both of them are way more perceptive and observant than they are given credit for. Deep inside though he hopes that Mikey was completely oblivious to all of this. He was Leo's youngest brother, his baby, he didn't want Mikey to have to deal with all of the shit that was Leo's messed up life now. Mikey deserved to be happy and carefree, and Leo would do anything to make sure that happened. 

Leo was so lost in his own thoughts that he jumped a little when he heard a loud 'BANG1' ring out from the old barn's open doors. It took him a little bit longer to calm himself down and realize that there was no imminent threat to him at the moment. It was more likely than not Casey just messing around in the barn. Though with the teen and his brother's track record of blowing stuff up, Leo thought that it would be best to go and check on him. Especially since Casey was working with heavy machinery and no one else had seemed to hear it, or if they did, they ignored it. But with years of living with Donnie, Leo knew that it was better to go and check on him to be safe than to be sorry later on. 

Grunting, it took a little bit longer than Leo would have liked to get himself up out of the swing, and to grab his crutch. It took him a couple of minutes to make the short trek from the swing he was sitting on to the barn that Casey and Donnie had claimed as their improv workshop. Lucky for him, Casey had left the doors to the barn open, and Leo was grateful for that, he didn't know if he was strong enough yet to open the doors by himself, even if he was able to swing opening it and using his crutch for balance. Slowly, Leo walked into the barn, and he was trying to make as much noise as he possibly could, he knew from experience if you didn't announce your presence in some way, it was a good way to get blown up or caught in the cross-fire. But for Leo, he had his crutch, and the damn thing made enough noise for him. Though, in reality it wasn't a whole lot, but to him who has been trained in the art of ninjutsu since before he could walk, it was enough to piss him off. Which it didn't take a whole lot to do for him at the moment. 

Walking fully into the barn, Leo scanned the room, looking for both his friend and any other sources of possible danger. So far he hasn't found any danger, so that was good. And as for finding Casey,.. Well he wasn't really sure what the elder teenager was doing. He seemed to have the hood of that old truck up that he and Donnie were trying to rebuild from the ground up, and was bangging on something underneath the hood. Now, Leo will admit that he wasn't the best when it came to working on cars and stuff like that. It was more of Donnie and Raph territory and he was perfectly content with either letting Donnie or Raph do it by themselves, or being a helper. He just didn't have the nerves or the patience to do anything with it, especially now. But that didn't mean he was completely out of his element when it came to stuff like this. But he was one of the more medical know-it-alls in the family like Donnie and their father and he was completely fine with that. And it also meant that he knew that he had to be careful now, he didn't want to give Casey a concussion or anything. 

"MMPGH!" Leo cleared his throat as loudly as he could, though it was kind of tough since his throat was still so sore. Though since his knew voice was a lot deeper than it was before and did a lot of the work for him. Even though he tried to time it just right so Casey wouldn't get hurt, the older teen still managed to band his head on the hood of the car. With a loud 'Bang!' Casey whirled around rubbing his head and swearing up a storm. "Son of a bitch!" Casey grunted as he turned around to see who was behind him. He seemed to pause in his movements when he realized that it was Leo behind him. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

The two of them stood there and stared at each other in an awkward silence for a couple of minutes before either one of them spoke. Surprisingly it was Casey who broke the tense silence between the two of them. "Um,.. hey dude." Casey said as he rubbed his head. Out of all of the turtles, Casey said that he is the most awkward with the leader in blue. He doesn't mean that they don't get along, they do, but him and Raph are like the same person almost. Him and Mikey get along really well even though the youngest turtle doesn't share his violent impulses. Hell, he and Donnie have a less awkward relationship with each other, and the two of them have been dancing around each other for months on end about their shared feelings for April. He and Leo get along well enough, but they don't really have a whole lot in common and he just doesn't know how to act around him. And he can tell that Leo feels the same way. "Not that I mind you coming in here and stuff, but did you need anything Leo?" He asked him. His question seemed to bring the eldest turtle out of whatever Lala Land that he had gone off into in their lull in conversation. "Oh, yeah um,.. I heard a loud noise coming from the barn when I was outside." Leo said. "I just wanted to make sure that you were alright." He told him. Huh. 

He didn't think that Leo would come in here and check on him. Though Casey can remember Raph complaining to him about how motherly, and neurotic Leo can get when he's trying to check on and take care of those he loves. It made him feel a little giddy about the fact that even though Leo was very injured and was in a lot of pain would make the trek just to come see that he was alright. "Yeah, I'm alright dude." Casey told him. "Just dropped a big piece of metal is all." Leo just nodded his head at him, taking that as an appropriate answer to his concerns. But the thing was that neither one of them knew where to go from there though.  


After the two of them are standing in the middle of the barn for a couple of minutes, neither one of them is sure what to do. Casey can tell that Leo looks like he's not sure whether or not he should leave or if he could leave on his own. Even though Raph had told him that out of all four of them Leo had the highest pain tolerance and was really good at hiding the pain, Casey could tell that by the slight grimace on his face that Leo was hurting. And if Casey could tell that Leo was in some form of pain then the guy must really be hurting. The young vigilante felt like an ass for not realizing this sooner and doing something about this. Especially since it dawned on him how young Leo is. The guy's only 15, almost 16 years old. He's about 2 years younger than Casey, and even though he himself is very close to being an adult, Casey will admit that he's just a kid. And he's a kid then Leo definitely is. It's still something that Casey has trouble accepting sometimes, he doesn't act like it. If anything a lot of the time Casey thinks that Leo's his age or older, same with Rpah. But it's easy for him to forget that. All of a sudden, Casey's overwhelmed with this protective like urge to take care of Leo and make sure that he's alright. It reminds him a lot of how he acts with his younger sister Angel. It took Casey all of 2 seconds to make up his mind. He was going to take care of Leo whether he liked it or not. 

“Hey man, why don’t you sit down for a second.” Casey said. “I need a second opinion on something and I was wondering if you could give a guy a hand?” He asked him. Casey hoped that by asking Leo for help, he could get him to sit down and rest for a little bit without the other throwing a fit over having someone fuss over him. The past couple of weeks, he’s noticed that whenever someone has tried to help Leonardo, the eldest turtle has promptly bit their head off. When he had pulled Raph aside to question him about it, the Second eldest turtles had explained to him that Leo hated to be coddled. He’s always been touchy about people taking care of him, and doing things for him. Leo was a very independent person and he didn’t like having to rely on people for him to get things done. The only person who could get away with it was Master Splinter, and sometimes Donnie, if their father said so. So Casey knew if he wanted to be helpful he had to be stealthy. He really didn’t want a katana or something else shoved up his ass if he pissed Leo off. 

Luck seemed to be on Casey’s side today since Leo sat down on the rolling stool that Donnie used whenever he was in the lab. Now whether or not Leo did it because he didn’t suspect anything or he was just in so much pain he wasn’t sure. But Casey did in fact hope that he could get away from this unscathed by an angry 15 year old mutant ninja turtle with 2 very sharp swords. “Hey man, are you okay?” Casey asked him. “Do you want me to go get Donnie to come take a look at you?” Leo just shook his head at him. “No, no I’m alright.” Leo told him in a strained voice. “What did you want to show me Casey?” He asked him. Well, here goes nothing. Casey thought. “Okay man, well I know that you’re no Raph or Donnie or anything, but they both told me that you’re still pretty good with stuff like this so..” Casey trailed off as he grabbed his wrench off of the work table and went back under the hood of the car. He started taking parts out of the car, and showing them to Leo. He was explaining the conditions of some of the parts and how he wasn’t sure how everything was going to work even if he worked his magic on them. He was asking Leo about his opinion on taking Donnie and maybe April to a local junk yard after hours to see if they can find the stuff that they needed. Leo just sat there and listened, and nodded his head. He gave what little help that he could and said that he was okay with Donnie and Raph going as long as Casey was with them and they went late enough to make sure that they weren’t seen.  


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Casey must have gone on his rant and Q&A session with Leo for about 15 to 20 minutes. He kept glancing back at the young leader throughout his explanations to see how he was doing.Leo seemed to be resting pretty comfortably. He had rolled his stool up to the work bench, and had his crutch resting in his lap. He seemed to be pretty relaxed at the moment, and he looked a little bit better than when he had come in there to check on Casey at first. Once Casey was done he turned back to Leo and contemplated asking him something that could possibly get him a black eye in the future. The smart and rational thing to do was to just wait and bide his time and get Raph to help him, but when has he ever been rational? 

“Hey Leo?” Casey asked him. Leo just hummed in response prompting Casey to go on. “Can I ask you something man?” Casey asked as he came over and pulled up his own stool right in front of the eldest turtle. Leo was just watching him, and he had that look in his eye that according to Raph he only used when he was trying to figure out a plan or when one of them was lying. “Sure.” Leo said. If he seemed to be on to what Casey was doing he didn’t show it. “How are you man? Honestly.” Casey said. Leo didn’t react to that for a couple of seconds, he just sat there and looked at him. Casey decided to barrel on with as much of his spiel as he could get through before the offer cut him off. “I know that you’re not doing so hot man, everyone can tell.” Casey. “We’re all worried about you Leo, Mikey, Donnie, April, Raph, ME.” Casey said. He hoped that he could soften him up a bit by starting off with his little brothers. Raph always said that Leo was a sucker for Mikey’s puppy dog eyes. 

“And before you get all upset with me, don’t give me that look Raph told me how you can be.” Casey told him when Leo gave him a look. “I know that you’re a tough guy Leo, and you can handle a hell of a lot, but you don’t have to.” Casey told him. Looking at Leo, the blue turtle had this unreadable expression on his face. “Look mam.” Casey said. “You’re my friend just as much as Raph and Red and the rest of your brother’s are.” Casey told him. “And I care about you guys a lot, you’re like family to me Leo, and I’m worried.” He told him. “The point that I'm trying to get at here is, that if you need a sound board, or a shoulder to lean on that’s not your brothers I’ll gladly take that position.” He told him. When Casey looked back at Leo, he still had that unreadable expression on his face that gave Casey the creeps. 

Leo just sat there for a couple of minutes and didn’t say anything. Casey was hoping that he wasn’t going to get his ass kicked in the next couple of minutes, but he knew that even though Leo was severely injured, if it came down to it, Leo could still take him if he had to. “I...Thank you Casey, that means a lot.” Leo told him after a couple of minutes. “I know that I haven’t been the easiest person to be around lately, and I feel bad about snapping at all of you.” Leo told him. “I know that you guys are just trying to help, but it’s just..” Leo said as he trailed off. “That not being able to do anything is making your anxiety skyrocket.” Casey siad, then realized what he just said. Oh shit, Leo wasn’t supposed to know that he knew about that. 

Leo paused for a couple of seconds, and just looked at Casey. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, it was very concerning. “How.. How do you know about that?” Leo asked him softly. And Casey winced at that, nice going Jones, if Leo doesn’t kill you, he’s definitely going to go and kill Raph after this. “Okay before I tell you anything, you have to promise me that you’re not going to get pissed at Raph.” Casey told him. And he saw the way that Leo stiffened at the mention of his red banded brother. “What did he tell you?” He asked in his stern leader voice. Well, this was going to get interesting. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

“Okay to start at the beginning, the only reason that Raph told me anything is because I just happened to overhear a conversation that he was having with Don.” Casey told him. “ Raph was asking Donnie about you, and he was telling him that he caught you having an anxiety attack again and that it was way worse than any of the ones that you had when you guys were kids and it scared him.” Casey told him. “Donnie was spouting off all of this sciencey stuff that I know nothing about and told him that he would have to keep a closer eye on you and even if there was something wrong, he didn't have any of the materials here that he needed to help you in terms of medication.” He explained. Leo just sat there and listened to him so Casey went on and continued talking. “I cornered Raph outside the barn after the conversation and made him explain everything to me.” He told him. “And I’ll give you this man, if Raph hadn’t told me about it I never would have guessed that you have an anxiety disorder man.” He told him. “You’re a great actor Leo.”  


Leo just sat there for a couple of minutes and stared at the floor. Casey knew that he probably wasn’t happy that he knew about his anxiety, especially since Raph had told him that ever since Donnie had figured out what was going on with Leo when they were 11, it’s like Leo has done everything in his power to get rid of it. Casey can understand that Leo doesn’t like having it, no one likes having issues with anxiety and stress, but it’s not something that will go away by sheer will-power alone. Though Raph had told him that Leo was determined to try. And when they went up to the surface for the first time and met April and everyone else that they have come into contact with, Leo forbade any of them from saying anything about it. Raph told him that Leo was embarrassed by it, and it wasn’t something that he liked to talk about, and so he didn’t talk about it. The second eldest told him that Mikey had almost slipped up a couple of times around him and April when Leo was out of ear shot, and he said that Kriby had tried to corner both Splinter and Donnie to see if there was something up with Leo, but no one but they knew until now. 

“Did Raph ever tell you how I got into ‘Space Heroes’?” Leo asked him. And it had been so long since the younger talked that Casey jumped a little bit at the sound of his new voice. It was still taking him some time to get used to. “No, he didn’t.” Casey told him. “Why?” Leo looked up from where he was staring at the old dirty barn floor and made eye contact with him. Cobalt blue eyes bore into his soul and it was unnerving a little bit how intense Leo’s stare can be, it kind of reminded him of a character from a book that he had to read in middle school. What was it called again” The Taker, no, The Gifter, no that wasn’t it,.. The Giver! That was it the Giver! Leo’s eyes reminded him of the main character from the book Jonas or whatever. 

“We were 11 I think when Donnie had found a book or something online about mental disorders or something.” Leo said. “That was during his psychology phase and he would spend hours on the computer that he fixed up researching all of these disorders and whatnot.” Leo told him. “Then one day after he dragged Father into his lab to show him something, then they called me in there.” He told him. “I didn’t think anything of it at first, but I had gotten up and left Mikey and Raph in the pit and walked into the lab.” Leo explained. “Donnie sat me down in front of his computer and had me read this webpage that he had pulled up-it was the dumbed down version of what anxiety is because you know that Donnie’s the only 11 year old ever intelligent enough to understand all of the technical terms for this stuff.”Leo told him. “ I sat there for about 10 minutes and read through all of it, then I turned to him and Sensei and told them that I didn’t get it.” Leo said. “Then they explained it to me.”  


“Sensei had told me that Donnie had figured out a medical condition that I had, and he brought me in here to tell me so that Donnie could figure out a way to help me.” Leo told him. “Donnie took over from there and had asked me about all of the times that one of them had tried to leave the Lair and I flipped out on them, or all of those times that we would be doing something then all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe.” Leo told him. Casey just looked at him, and Leoo thought that he better explain in more detail. “Has Raph ever complained to you about how when we were little and he and Mikey and Donnie used to try and sneak out of the Lair to go exploring?” Leo asked him. “He would get mad everytime because he would ask me if I wanted to go and I’d say no, then I would bug him about where he and the others were going.” Leo told him. “Raph wouldn’t tell me because he thought I would tattle on them to Father to get them in trouble and no matter how many times I told him that I wasn’t he wouldn’t believe me and just run off.” Leo said. “I would then spend the next however long they would be gone in the middle of what I would later come to find out as a panic attack.” Leo explained to him. “Donnie had explained to me that I suffered from something called General Anxiety Disorder from what he could tell.” Leo told him. “He said that the way that my brain was wired was slightly different than everyone else’s.” Leo explained to him. “And because of that when one of them would leave my sight and I didn’t know where they were, or what they were doing, my brain would go into overdrive.” He said. “Most people didn’t worry about people missing until they had been gone for a couple of hours, with me if they were out of my sight for more than 5 minutes I would flip out.” Leo told him. “ Donnie told me that my brain didn’t get it that just because I couldn’t see them didn’t mean that they were in trouble.” He told him. : I guess that’s part of the reason that I’ve always been so protective of them.” Leo confessed. “It’s always drove me nuts when I didn’t know where they were.” 

Casey could understand that to some degree. He’s always been very protective of his younger sister Angel. He would die before he ever let anything happen to her. “Anyway, hearing this explained a lot.” Leo told him. “It explained why my heart would just start racing sometimes that it felt like it was beating out of my chest.” Leo told him. “And how sometimes it’s like all of the oxygen is being sucked out of the and I couldn’t breathe.” Leo said. “And those awful horrific nightmares, or well the proper term for it would be night terrors.” Leo told him. “I used to wake up screaming bloody murder every night when were kids.” Leo said. “I would have these awful dreams about some faceless phantom coming into our home and slaughtering my family in front of me like it was nothing and other twisted stuff like that.” Leo confessed to him. 

“Man, that’s harsh dude.” Casey said, trying to comfort him some. “But at least you grew out of it right?” Leo just shook his head. “I never said that.” He told him. “After I had a really bad one, one night when we were 6, right before Sensei let us have our own rooms I woke everyone up, and I triggered a panic attack.” Leo told him. “It was so bad that I ended up scaring Mikey for life,..” Leo trailed off and focused his attention back to his hands. “I can still see the look of pure terror on his face, he was scared, he was scared of me.” Leo said in a tight voice. “From then on I learned not to scream when I had them.” Leo confessed to him. “ I had one about 2 or 3 days before the invasion I think, it was very gorey and I woke up and ran to the bathroom to dry-heave for an hour, I’ve never outgrew them, they just get less frequent and more gorey.” Leo told him. Casey was shocked at this. He never knew that Leo felt this way or that the poor guy was going through all of this stuff.  


“Anyway.” Leo said as he continued on. “After Donnie explained it to me, they went and explained to Raph and Mikey what was going on.” Leo told him. “Afterwards Raph had pulled Donnie aside and had questioned him on what he was going to do to get rid of my anxiety.” Leo said. “He punched a wall when Donnie told him that this wasn’t something that would go away on his own, or something that Donnie could fix.” Leo told him. And yeah, that sounded exactly like Raph. “But Donnie had told him that there were different things that they could do to help me.” Leo explained to him. “A couple of days later, Raph barged into my room when I was cleaning it and told me to come into the pit.” Leo told him. “He dragged me into the pit and sat me down and put this big box in my lap.” Leo said. “He looked at me and told me to open it.” And Casey finally got where this was going. “Raph found you the series as a way to help.” Casey finished for him. 

“Yep.” Leo said as he nodded his head. “A way to help calm down an oncoming anxiety attack for me is to have some sort of distraction for me to focus on.” Leo explained to him. “And Donnie had said that having background noises like tv shows and music were good ways to help, so Raph had snuck out and found the VHS tapes of the show for me.” Leo told him. “Watching the episodes really helped me stay calm, and get myself under control.” Leo said. “I ended up falling in love with the show and I have been hooked on it ever since.” He explained to the elder. “ Huh, with how much Raph made fun of you for watching it, I never would have thought that he would have been the one to get them for you.” Casey told him. Leo just shrugged at him. “Yeah, well I guess he never thought that it would work and he probably didn’t like the fact that he ended up creating a monster.” Leo told him with a laugh. Casey was glad that he was smiling again. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Casey and Leo just sat there in a semi-comfortable silence before the younger spoke up again.“Heh..” Leo chuckled sadly. “Things actually were kind of okay until we went to the surface the first time.” Leo told him. “The night that we first went up to the surface I spent 2 hours holed up in my room bouncing back and forth from trying not to break down to trying not to vomit on bed.” Leo said. “I was so excited to go, and nervous, and scared, because I didn’t know what it was like up there.” Leo said. “Raph that I know of had tried to go up to the surface on his own before but he always got caught, Mikey was too scared to go by himself and as long as Sensei sunk out to the junkyard every so often Donnie was content to stay home all the time.” Leo told him. “But I almost didn’t go that first time.. I was just so consumed with fear about what would happen.” Leo said to him. “And when we ran into April and her Dad being abducted I almost pissed myself, I was so scared.” Leo said. “All that I could think about was how Sensei was right that we weren’t ready, that it was too dangerous and we should have just stayed home because I knew that I couldn’t keep my family safe out here.” He confessed to him. “And then things got better, Sensei made me leader, and it was enough of a kick in the ass to get my head on straight and everything was okay,.. Until we met the Shredder.” Leo said. “Things started going to shit for me from then on.” He told Casey.  


Casey felt bad for Leo. He was so young to have gone through so much shit in his life, and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to any of them with all of the crap that they’ve been put through in the past year. But if there’s one thing that Casey learned from his old man it was that you just keep going and roll with the punches and make the best of things. And that’s what he had to do now, regardless of whether he actually liked it or not. “I’m sorry Leo.” Casey told him. “You shouldn’t have to go through all of this man.” He told him honestly. And Casey really meant it. Even though he and Leo weren’t close. He still liked the guy and he didn’t like the idea of Leo having to suffer in silence for so long. He was going to have a talk with Raph after this. “It’s fine Casey, you didn’t know.” Leo told him. Still, it didn’t do a whole lot to make Casey feel better. 

“My offer still stands man.” Casey said after a couple of moments of the two of them sitting in silence. “You ever need someone to talk to that’s not somehow related to you, come to me, day or night man.” Casey told him. “And that doesn’t just pertain to the farmhouse either.” He said. “You’re my friend Leonardo Hamoto, and I’m there for you as a shoulder to lean on now man, I mean it.” And Casey did in fact mean it. Leo just sat there and looked at him for a long moment. For a second Casey thought that he was getting ready to get the shit beat out of him, but that’s not what happened. In the blink of an eye, Leo had scooted his stool across the short distance between them and threw his arms around the elder teen in a bone-crushing hug. And even though Leo was injured he was still hella strong, and that was how Casey knew that Leo was going to get through this. Once the shock had worn off, Casey hugged the other back. “Thank you Casey.” Leo whispered into his shoulder. “That means a lot to me.” Casey couldn’t help but to smile at him. “Any time man.” Casey told him. “Any time.” And he meant it, he really did. Sometimes family was more than just blood, sometimes it’s the people that you know that you can lean on.  



End file.
